Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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