can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
