its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
