My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
