Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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