If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
