Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
