9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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