life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
