R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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