not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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