Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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