coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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