She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Boobs speak an international language.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
