eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
