im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
