Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
