Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
