hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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