Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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