that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
