He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wish there were birth control emojis
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
