At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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