a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
