Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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