I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
