The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
