I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
