I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
