I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
