so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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