Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
