Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think I am morally bankrupt
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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