I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
