hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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