So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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