I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
