Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
