My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
