but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
