I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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