Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
