Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
