If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
