he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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