so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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