trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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