there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
