Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
