weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
