I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
