Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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